The Great Hall
by Moni Jane
Summary: Moulin Rouge Meets Harry Potter. Basically, it's the script of Moulin Rouge with Harry Potter characters and places. It shall be twisted but fun! Ron travels to the Great Hall to become part of the Bohemian Revolution. What he finds is unattainable love.
1. The Beginning

A/N – Yes, here it is! The moment you've all been waiting for! XD Chapter one of this exciting tale. ^^ I do hope you all enjoy it! I'm suppose to be doing homework right now...but I decided to please everyone first! :D  
  
Disclaimer: Again, I own neither the plot nor the characters. So don't sue. -_-  
  
A train is seen slowly pulling up to a station in the very well known Hogsmeade. We are taken inside the train to one of the compartments. Inside the compartment, George stands with his wand in front of a velvet curtain hiding the view of the window. He waves his wand merrily as Hedwig's theme plays through the train and the curtain opens to reveal a picture of the authoress curtsying to the many viewers. The music fades as the curtain closes. George waves his wand again and The Sound of Music plays silently as the curtains open again to reveal the grand door to the Great Hall of Hogwarts.  
  
Slowly, the professors pass with signs reading: "Moni Jane Presents" And "Although Doesn't Claim Characters or Plot".  
  
At once, the Cancan starts up and a professor is holding the card that states in bold the title "THE GREAT HALL!" Behind the professor the door the Great Hall opens to reveal girls dirty dancing in their underwear doing the classic cancan while boys sit on the opposite side with their cloaks and wizard hats.  
  
The music stops suddenly and the door closes. Haunting music creeps upon our ears. Another professor is seen with a card that reads "Hogwarts: 7th year for Harry Potter and co."  
  
Harry Potter is seen in front of the doors to the Great Hall dressed as a wand and he sings sullenly, "There was a boy...A very strange enchanted boy...they said he wandered very far...very far..."  
  
At once you see the Hogwarts castle in all its glory. You are taken quickly through the entrance hall and through the castle. It pauses at the hall way leading to the Great Hall.  
  
Harry sings again, "Down stairs and halls. A little shy..."  
  
Filch is seen with his faithful cat Mrs. Noris and he states bluntly, "Turn away from this place of evil, for it is the dark desires that turn wizards bad."  
  
Harry picks up singing, "...and sad of eye..."  
  
You keep going down the hall leading the Great Hall where Hogwart students stand leaning against the walls with their cloaks open revealing slinky and provocative clothing and winking and grinning at couple of male students holding pints of butterbeer and swaying down the hall.  
  
Harry continues, "But very wise was he..."  
  
Instead of going on to the Great Hall the view takes a left and this tiny trap door is seen. It opens slowly revealing a title "Towel Supplies".  
  
Harry goes on, "...And then one day..."  
  
Through the door way into a dirty little room that is obviously not a towel supplies closet you can see it is littered with papers and bottles. Crouched in a corner, head in his arms, clutching a bottle, is our hero, Ron Weasley, a young man sunk in the depths of despair.  
  
Harry takes up singing again, "...One magic day, he passed my way..."   
  
Ron slowly looks over at his desk where a quill and parchment lie, in the moonlight by a window that has the view of the doors of the Great Hall.  
  
"While we spoke of many things..." Harry sings.   
  
Ron stands in front of his desk where the quill and parchment, staring at them.  
  
"...fools and kings..." Harry goes on.   
  
He picks up a piece of paper and holds his quill to it.  
  
"...this he said to me:" Harry continues singing hauntingly.  
  
Ron begins to write. You can hear Ron's voice barely whisper deeply, "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return."  
  
Again the view of the Great Hall is seen.   
  
Ron speaks barely above a whisper, "The Great Hall..."  
  
At once in a flash you see the Great Hall that is turn into a dance floor at the late hours at Hogwarts. No teachers can be seen, but only girls dressed either in underwear or close to it and at least very loose clothing. They are dancing. Some of them are flashing. You can see some doing magic tricks. There are even a few males who are obviously in the same position as the girls in the Great Hall.   
  
Ron is heard again, "...a nightclub, a dance hall, and a bordello..."  
  
There is a stage where the professor's table used to be and Neville peeks his head through the red velvet curtains. Slowly and loudly he pronounces, "The Great Hall!"  
  
The room swirls as the girls of Hogwarts flash the young men a sight of their undergarments and dancing seductively around them.   
  
Ron is heard again, "...ruled over by Neville Longbottom. A kingdom of night- time pleasures where the hard working students of Hogwarts came to play with the young and beautiful creatures of the underworld."   
  
Hermione Granger is seen superimposed above the doors of the Great Hall where a balcony is now visible.  
  
Ron's voice is louder now as he explains, "The most beautiful of all these was the woman I loved. Hermione. A courtesan, she sold her love to men to provide herself a future in the magical world. They called her 'the sparkling diamond', and she was the star of the Great Hall."  
  
Ron stops writing and looks out his window at the abandoned and silent open doors of the Great Hall.  
  
He breaths silently, "The woman I love is dead."   
  
Ron continues writing. He can be heard now and with a tremor in his voice he continues, "I roamed Hogwarts in its midnight hours one year ago."  
  
You are pulled from Ron's view and out of the hall leading into the Great Hall and up the stairs the Gryffindor Common Room. Night turns to day and everything is bright in color.  
  
Ron continues his story, "It was my 7th year, the year of love."  
  
A happier Ron is seen standing in the common room.  
  
"I knew nothing of what happened in the midnight hours of the Great Hall, who Neville Longbottom really was, or who Hermione Granger truly was." Ron states.  
  
The happier Ron of a year ago steps out of the common room with a suitcase in one hand and some parchment and quills in the other.  
  
"The magical world has been swept up in the bohemian revolution, and I decided to travel from the Gryffindor tower to be a part of it," Ron explains.  
  
Ron walks down some stairs and through some halls until he reaches the hall that would lead him to the doors of the Great Hall. He stops and stares.   
  
Ron speaks, "In a hall in Hogwarts was a hall where many had come to live the bohemian life. It was not, as my father had said..."  
  
Arthur Weasley is seen in one of the rooms of the Burrow and he yells, "A place of evil!"  
  
The hallway is seen again.  
  
Ron speaks again, "...but the center of the magical Bohemian world..."   
  
Going through the hall seeing the same flirting girls and swaying male students with butterbeer, now lively with bohemian magician musicians.  
  
Ron speaks again, more quickly, "...with wizards and witches involved with music, painting, and writing!"  
  
A group of musicians are seen and heard singing, "Of the revolution..."   
  
Ron slows down is speaking a bit and says with awe, "They were known as the 'children of the revolution'."  
  
We see the hidden Towel Supplies room through the doorway.   
  
"Yes, I had come to live a wonderful existence there," Ron declares.  
  
Pan around the room, now tidy and brightly lit. Ron stands looking out the window at the doors to the Great Hall. Cho Chang holds up the key for the secret room.   
  
Ron goes on to say, "I had come to write about truth, beauty, freedom..."   
  
Ron takes out his parchment and quill.  
  
"...and that which I believed in above all things, love." Ron states simply.  
  
Arthur Weasley is seen again and he blurts out, "Always this ridiculous obsession with love!"  
  
Ron is seen again sitting in front of a desk with his parchment and quill.   
  
"There was just one problem. I had never been in love." Ron states dramatically as he pauses with the quill over the parchment.   
  
Ron continues, "Luckily, right at that moment an unconscious Slytherin fell through my roof."   
  
An unconscious Draco Malfoy falls through his roof. Ron leaps to his feet.   
  
A/N – Muwahhahahaha! XD how'd you all like it? ^^ Twisted enough? XD The characters can still be changed if anyone would like to make a request. I hope you enjoyed this and look forward to the next chapter! Thank you all very much and please leave a review! Your Humble Authoress, ~Moni 


	2. Standing in for Unconscious Slytherin

A/N – so I was going to write this over Christmas Break, but I couldn't remember which characters were which. I'm really glad I didn't try, because now that I look at the cast list I realize I would have gotten it horribly mixed up with The Burrow. (Another fanfic I haven't started with the same ideas but with different characters) Just to let you all know I do not own Harry Potter or Moulin Rouge, I just mushed them together in this delightful tale for all of you! So please review. : )

Ron, startled by Draco Malfoy falling unconscious through his roof now continues his story, "he was quickly joined by a short man dressed as a nun"

Harry Potter throws open the door to Ron's room. Ron stares.

"How do you do? My name is Harry James Potter!"

"What?" Ron said, still in shock, obviously.

Harry continues, "I'm terribly sorry about all this. We're just upstairs rehearsing a play."

"What?" Ron asked again, getting good at asking that one word.

A future Ron is seen now, righting this story, his memories, and he writes, "A play, something very modern called "Spectacular, Spectacular".

We cut back now to the memory taking place.

Harry explains with a slight lisp, "Its set in Switzerland!"

Cut back to the future Ron writing, "Unfortunately, the unconscious Slytherin suffered from a sickness called Narcolepsy."

Cut back to the current memory where Harry explains, "Perfectly fine one moment, then suddenly unconscious the next!"

Three other Bohemians are seen looking down through the hole Draco fell through.

George Weasley inquires about our favorite Slytherin, "How is he?

Dean Thomas, the apparent current writer for the other bohemians ranted, "Wonderful. Now the narcoleptic Slytherin is unconscious, and therefore the scenario will not be finished in time to present to the financier tomorrow."

George agreed, "He's right, Harry. I still have to finish the music."

"We'll just find someone to read the part," Harry suggested.

Dean looked at him bewildered, "Oh, where in heaven's name are we going to find someone to read the role of a young sensitive Swiss poet/goat herder?"

All eyes in the room turned to Ron.

Cut to the future Ron as he recalls the memory, "Before I knew it, I was upstairs standing in for the unconscious Slytherin."

Cut back to the memory. They were all now in Harry's studio rehearsing. Ron, now wearing Draco's costume of the Swiss poet/goat herder and holding a script, is standing on a ladder in front of a painted backdrop of the Alps. George is playing "The sound of music" on the absinthesiser. Draco, still unconscious, is laying rather sexily on the bed. Dean is overseeing the rehearsal.

Harry is standing in as the nun (which will be Hermione's part if the show is to be put on) and is in mid-song, "The hills animate with the euphonious symphonies of descant!"

Dean shrieks, "Oh stop! Stop! Stop! Stop!"

The music George is playing stops.

"Stop that insufferable droning. It's drowning out my words! Can't we just stick with a bit of decorative piano?" Dean complains.

Back to the future Ron who is righting about his memory, "There seemed to be artistic differences over Dean's lyrics to George's songs."

Cut back to the rehearsal.

Fred, who is looking quite aged adds in, "I don't think a nun would say that about a hill."

George suggests, "what if he sings 'the hills are vital, intoning the descant'?"

Harry disagrees, "No, no, no! The hills quake and shake…"

The aged Fred counters, "No! no, no, no! The hills…"

Suddenly Draco sits up, "The hills are incarnate with symphonic melodies!"

All look at Draco as he suddenly falls back to the bed unconscious and still quite sexy.

The aged Fred simply answers, "no."

Ron tries, "the hills…"

But he's interrupted by Harry, "No. The hills…"

Who is interrupted by Ron, "The hills…"

Harry tries to interrupt again, "the hills…"

The aged Fred creeps in, "The hills are chanting the eternal mantra…"

Ron keeps trying, "The hills are alive…"

George interjects with mindlessness, "Frank is living in my foot!"

The bohemians continue to argue incoherently about the lyrics of the song. Ron, still on the ladder, waves his arms to get their attention.

It fails, so instead he throws back his head and sings, quite wonderfully, "The hills are alive with the sound of muuuuusiiiiic!"

Everyone falls silent and stares at Ron. Draco suddenly jumps up.

"The hills are alive with the sound of music! I love it!" he says rather huskily.

Ron looks relieved, while the bohemians look thoughtful.

The aged Fred begins, "the hills…"

"…are alive…" Harry continues.

"…with the sound of music…it fits perfectly!" George exclaimed.

Encouraged, Ron continues, "With songs they have sung for a thousand yeeeaaars!"

Ron looks hopeful, the bohemians gasp.

"Incandiferous! Audrey, you two should right the show together!" Harry suggested.

"I beg your pardon?" Dean asked darkly.

Cut to future Ron writing about his memories, "But Harry's suggestion that Dean and I write the show together is not what Dean wanted to hear."

Back to Harry's studio.

"Goodbye!" shrieks Dean as he slams the door behind him.

The bohemians don't look troubled though.

"Here's to your first job in the Great Hall!" Harry toasted as he raised a glass of absinth to Ron who was still on the ladder.

Ron looks slightly confused.

George however is skeptical, "Harry, Neville will never agree," turning to Ron, "No offence, but have you ever written anything like this before?"

Ron replied, "no."

Draco suddenly exclaims, "Ah, the boy has talent!" He gestures wildly and his hand lands on Ron's crotch. Ron gasps.

Draco continues, "I like him!" He quickly removes his hand, "Nothing funny. I just like talent!"

Harry tries to convince George to let Ron write the show. Ron listens, curious.

"The hills are alive with the sound of music – see George, with Ron we can write the truly bohemian revolutionary show we've always dreamt of!" Harry exclaimed.

"But how will we convince Neville?" George asked.

Cut to future Ron who is writing his memory, "But Harry had a plan!"

Back to Harry's studio.

Harry whispered, "Hermione!"

Harry whispers his plan to the others as Ron tries to listen in.

Future Ron continued his memory, "They would dress me in Draco's best suit, and pass me off as a famous British wizard renown for his famous writing! Once Hermione heard my modern poetry she would be astounded and insist to Neville that I write "Spectacular, Spectacular"! The only problem was, that I kept hearing my father's voice in my head.

Cut rapidly between Arthur Weasley at the burrow, Harry with a glass of absinth, and Ron's eyes widening.

Arthur warns, "You'll end up wasting your life at the Great Hall with some can-can dancer!"

Back to Harry's studio.

"No, I can't write the show for the Great Hall!" Ron bolts to the ladder in the hole in the middle of the floor and tries to climb down. The others follow.

"Why not?" Harry asks.

Ron stops climbing down the ladder with his head just above the floor. The others crowd around, bending over to look at Ron.

Ron stammers, "I – I don't even know if I am a true Bohemian Revolutionary."

The others gasp, "What?"

Harry asks, "Do you believe in beauty?"

"Yes," answers Ron.

"Freedom?" Draco asked with that sexy smirk of his.

"Yes, of course." Ron answered again.

George asks, "Truth?"

"yes," again Ron answered.

"Love?" the aged Fred asked.

"Love? Love. Above all things I believe in love. Love is like oxygen. Love is a many splendoured-thing, love lifts us up where we belong. All you need is love!" Ron answered excitedly.

The bohemians are impressed.

Harry tells Ron, "you can't fool us! You're the voice of the children of the revolution!"

Draco, George, and Fred agree, "We can't be fooled!"

They pull Ron back into Harry's studio.

Harry suggests, "let's drink to the new writer of the world's first bohemian revolutionary show!"

Cut back to the future Ron who continues to write out the memory, "It was the perfect plan. I was to audition for Hermione. And I would taste my first glass of Absinthe."

A/N oh my goodness so I think that's the longest chapter I have ever written. Seriously. I hoped everyone enjoyed it! I actually wanted to keep going, but it was getting quite long. I want to thank all of my reviewers! Your reviews mean so much to me! So please, everyone review, but most of all enjoy your fanfiction reading experience.


	3. Entering the Great Hall

A/N – I love Moulin Rouge. I had problems writing this chapter, because the movie has sooo many details, but I do hope it will do. Just remember to please review! That rhymed! Enjoy your time! By the way. The italics is what happening to Ron or what he is saying from the future as he writes the story. If this gets confusing let me know and I'll rewrite it.

Ron and the others crowded around Harry who was preparing the absinthe. Ron quickly drowns his glass.

_Ron angrily pulls the sheet of paper off the desk, spilling ink in the process._

Suddenly, Harry's singing is heard in the background, "there was a boy…"

Ginny appeared as a green fairy to escort them to the Great Hall.

"I'm the green fairy!" she giggled.

As Ginny began showing off her fairy costume, the boys raised their glasses to her.

All of them began to sing now, "The hills are alive with the sound of music!"

Ginny was showing off now and the guys were laughing hysterically.

Again, Harry's first song came lightly in the background, "…a very strange enchanted boy…"

Ron and the other bohemians quickly changed into evening robes and stood outside Harry's studio.

They shouted in a fit of passion, "Yeah! Freedom, beauty, truth, and love!"

As Ron and the other sing, Ginny writes the words they just spoke in the air.

Ginny sings in sweetly, "the hills are alive…"

Ron and the bohemians sing drunkenly, "You won't fool the children of the revolution, No you won't fool the children…"

Ginny continues at the same time, "…with the sound of music! Of the revolution, the revolution, the revolution, of the revolution…"

"_We were off the Great Hall,, and I was to perform my poetry for Hermione."_

Ginny's eyes glow red and she uses her magic to make the doors of the Great Hall turn into a swirling vortex that pulls Ron and the others in. A speedy vision of the hall leading to the Great Hall, the garden just inside with a secluded room, and then finally the dance hall. Neville Longbottom pokes his head through the curtains at the front.

He announces, "The Great Hall!"

Ron gapes around the Great Hall in amazement.

"_Neville Longbottom and his infamous girls. They called them his 'Diamond Dogs'."_

Neville gestures and the 'Diamond Dogs' appear from behind a mirrored wall. Ron stares.

Someone starts singing in awe, "the Diamond Dogs…"

The group of very scantily clad girls start singing in French, "Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?"

Neville and the girls begin their number while the guys of Hogwarts cheer on.

Powerful singing is heard from one of the girls, "Hey sista, go sista, soul sista, flow sista. Hey sista, go sista…"

Neville cuts in with his verse of the song, "If life's an awful bore…"

Again the powerful singing at the same time, "…soul sista, flow sista…"

"…and living's just a chore that we do…" Neville continues

"…Hey sista, go sista…" the powerful voice joins.

"…cause Death's not much fun…" Neville goes again.

"…soul sista," the powerful voice.

The other girls join in, ". . .Giuchie giuchie, ya ya. . ."

"…I have just the antidote…" Neville concludes.

"…da da…" the other girls continue.

"…and though I mustn't gloat, at the Great Hall! You'll have fun!" Neville says with enthusiasm.

Harry pulls one of the dancers on his lap who squealed, "oh la-la!"

Neville encouraged, "…Just scratch that little niggle, have a little wiggle…"

Ron continued to watch in amazement as the men around him began grabbing at the dancing girls in front of them.

The Diamond Dogs teased while singing, "…Creole Lady Marmalade…"

Neville began with a different tune, "…you know you can, cause we can can-can!"

The girls continued, "…Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?"

Neville was still singing his own tune at the same time, "…don't say you can't, can't, can't!"

"…Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?"

"…You know you can can-can!"

We see the entrance to the Great Hall again. Guys from all over Hogwarts were in lines now dancing. Ron hesitantly joins them with the other bohemians.

All the guys sang, "here we are now, entertain us! We feel stupid and contagious!"

The doors open to reveal Neville and the dancing diamond dogs.

Neville asks them in song, "Got some dark desire? Love to play with fire? Why not let it rip, live a little bit! Can can-can!"

The males and the diamond dogs start dancing towards each other.

"Here we are now, entertain us!" the guys sing as they get closer to the girls.

Neville continues his little diddy, "Don't say you can't, can't, can't! You know you can can-can!"

The girls and guys join and start dancing together.

"Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?" the girls ask in song.

The men reply, "cause we can can-can!"

Neville floats to the top of the ceiling where the outside sky is dreary and raining, "Outside it may be raining," Neville floats down to the dancing and excitement of the people around him, "but in here it's entertaining!"

The guys dance with the diamond dogs around Neville as they sing, "If you love, love, love. To be free, free, free"

Neville sings out the ending of the phrase, "Then the Great Hall is the place to be!"

The music picks up on Neville's favourite tune as he sings, "Cause we can can-can!"

Everyone in the Great Hall cheers, "We can!"

Neville responds to them, "Yes! We can can-can!"

"We can!" everyone shouts again.

"Here we are now, entertain us!" the guys sing in their gruff voices.

Neville sings out, "outside things may be tragic, but in here we feel it's magic!"

The girls surround Neville now and the guys sing to them, "here we are now, entertain us!"

Neville quickly jumps to the stage in front and encourages the diamond dogs and the guys. Suddenly he holds up his arms for silence. The music stops and the crowd goes silent and still in anticipation. Neville leans forwards and whispers with a grin, "The Can-Can!" The crowd scatters as Neville flips a placard to read "the Can-Can". At first everything is silent and in slow motion. Then can-can chaos erupts.

A/N – And I'm stopping here! I know this might be a bit shorter than the other chapters, but if I continued then this would be like 4 times as long before I could stop again. Anyways, I hope everyone is enjoying this and no one is getting confused! Please be a dear and review!


	4. The Sparkling Hermione

_**A/N – Thank you for reading this far! I do hope you like this chapter! Please be kind and review. Enjoy! By the way, words in italics are Ron's thoughts as he narrates the story. **_

Neville shouts, "Because we can can-can!"

The diamond dogs launch into their can-can routine while the students of Hogwarts cheer from the sides.

They begin singing, "Hey sista, go sista, soul sista, flow sista, hey sista, go sista, soul sista, go sista. Guichie giuchie ya ya dad a, Giuchie giuchie ya ya here."

Neville interrupts with, "Because we can-can! Yes we can can-can!"

The singing continues, "Creole Lady Marmalade."

So does Neville, "Because we can-can! Yes we can can-can!"

The group Ron is with starts to sing in a low seductive voice, "well you can bump and grind…" they begin to dance around Ron.

Ron sings back, "cause it's good for your mind!"

Ron joins the crowd dancing with the diamond dogs, then looks around at the debauchery surrounding him.

The Hogwarts students sing, "here we are now, entertain us!"

The Diamond Dogs respond in song, "Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?"

Neville interrupts again, "We can can-can!"

Another voice is heard singing, "Hey sista, go sista, flow sista."

Harry signals to Ron and calls him over, "Ron!"

The Hogwarts students keep singing, "here we are now, entertain us!"

And the Diamond Dogs keep responding in song, "Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?"

Ron goes and sits down at the table with Harry and the other bohemians.

Harry whispers, "Mission accomplished! We successfully evaded Neville!"

Neville is still heard singing, "Cancan, cancan, cancan…"

The music fades and the lights dim. Everyone looks upwards as silver confetti falls from the ceiling.

Harry says in awe, "It's her, the sparkling diamond."

Hermione descends from the balcony above the entrance door to the Great Hall on a diamond-studded broomstick. Ron gasps.

Hermione begins a slow seductive song, "The Magicfolk are glad to die for love…they delight in fighting dules…"

Ron stares open-mouthed at Hermione, while on the other side of the table next to him, Krum was sitting the Neville and watching Hermione with beady eyes.

"_But someone else was to meet Hermione that night…"_

Hermione continues her song, "…but I prefer a man who lives…"

"…_Neville's investor…"_

The tempo of the song starts getting a bit faster, "…and gives expensive jewels."

"…_Krum."_

The lights come up and Hermione circles above the crowd on her broomstick, touching the Hogwarts students' outstretched hands. Hermione jumps off her broomstick and dances through the crowd as the Hogwarts students thrust money and jewels at her.

Hermione sings, "A kiss on the hand may be quite continental, but diamonds are a…"

The Hogwarts students join her, "…girl's best friend."

Hermione continues, "A kiss may be grand, but it won't pay the rental on your humble flat, or help you feed your pussycat."

The other diamond dogs sing with her now, "men grow cold as girls grow old,"

Hermione sings alone, "and we all lose our charms in the end."

The diamond dogs join her again, "but square cut or pear-shape, these rocks don't lose their shape."

Hermione belts out, "Diamonds are a girl's best friend."

Ron and Krum both watch from the side at separate ends of a table.

Krum asks Neville, "when am I going to meet the girl?"

Hermione is dancing and flirting among the crowd and shouts out a brand of diamond, "Tiffany's!"

Neville answers Krum, "After her number, I've arranged a special meeting –just you and Mademoiselle Hermione, totally alone."

"Cartier!" Hermione calls out another diamond brand.

Harry tells Ron, "After her number, I've arranged a private meeting, just you and Mademoiselle Hermione, totally alone."

"Alone?" Ron asks with a gulp.

Harry answers, "Yes. Totally alone."

At the same time, Neville reassures Krum, "Totally alone."

Hermione jumps on top of a young male student and starts shimmying and sings with the diamond dogs, "cause we are living in a material world, and I am a material girl!"

She jumps off and calls out, "come and get me boys!"

The Hogwarts students dance around Hermione and then lift her into the air and carry her towards a stage.

Neville tells Krum, "excuse me," as he leaves and makes his way through the crowd to join Hermione on the stage."

Hermione calls out some diamond brands, "Black star, Roscor! Talk to me Neville Longbottom, tell me all about it!"

Hermione leans up against Neville and sings, "there may come a time when a lass needs a lawyer,"

The diamond dogs and Neville sing in response, "but diamonds are a girl's best friend."

Hermione continues with her back to Neville, "There may come a time when a hard-boiled employer thinks you're…"

Neville responds by making a grabbing gesture at Hermione's bottom and singing, "…awful nice!"

Hermione straightens up and sings, "But get that ice or else no dice!"

Ron gets up to go over to Hermione, but Harry stops him and says, "Don't worry, don't worry! I'll sally forth and tee things up!"

As Harry stands, his cane knocks over a tray of drinks, spilling them on Krum.

The diamond dogs sing, "He's your guy when stocks are high,"

As Hermione and Neville continue their number, they carry on a quiet conversation.

Hermione whispers, "Is the rich one here, Neville?"

Neville whispers back, "Liebchen, would daddy let you down?"

The diamond dongs continue their song, "But beware when they start to descend."

Neville looks over to see Harry wiping Krum's shirt with his handkerchief.

"I'm terribly sorry," Harry tells Krum.

Hermione and Neville circle each other on stage so now Hermione can see the table.

"Where is he?" Hermione asks.

"He's the one Harry is shaking a hank at," Neville answers.

At that moment, Harry reaches to the other side of the table to take Ron's handkerchief just as Hermione looks over to see the rich one.

"Excuse me Ron, may I borrow….?" Harry says as he grabs Ron's handkerchief.

The diamond dogs sing/chant, "Diamonds are a girl's best, diamonds are a girl's best, diamonds are a girl's best friend."

Hermione turns back to Neville and asks, "are you sure?"

Neville responds, "Let me peek."

The switch spots again and Hermione has her back to Ron and Krum and Neville peers around her and sees Harry again waving his handkerchief at an angry Krum.

Harry apologizes again to Krum, "Let me finish. I'm ever so sorry! It's so embarrassing."

Neville turns back to Hermione and answers, "That's the one, chickpea. I hope that demonic little Potter doesn't frighten him off."

Harry has had enough of Krum, "Clean yourself off, you bourgeois pig!" he throes the handkerchief in Krum's face. Lee Jordan, Krum's manservant immediately puts his wand to Harry's throat.

"Sorry, sorry," Harry insists while backing off.

Hermione and Neville duck behind a circle of diamond dogs for a costume change.

"Will he invest?" Hermione asks.

"Pigeon," Neville exclaims, "After spending the night with you, how could he refuse?"

"What's his type? Wilting flower? Bright and bubbly? Or smouldering temptress?" Hermione asks acting out each one.

Neville replys, "I'd say smouldering temptress. We're all relying on you, gosling. Remember, a real show, in a real theatre, with a real audience. And you'll be…"

"A real magical actress…"Hermione sighs and then leaps up to finish the song. Harry tries to get her attention form the crowd.

"Cause that's when those louses…" Hermione points to Neville who is now in his underwear.

Harry calls out to Hermione, "Bejewelled vision!"

Hermione keeps singing, "…go back to their spouses…"

"Amazonian goddess!" Harry tries again.

Hermione continues, "…diamonds are a…"

"I've got some exciting news!" Harry keeps trying.

Hermione arrives in front of Ron shimmering as she sings the last notes of the song in a very seductive voice, "…girl's best friend."

Ron looks up at her, dumbstruck.

"I believe you were expecting me," Hermione smirks at him.

"Yes, yes." Ron gulps.

Hermione turns to the crowd and shouts, "I'm afraid it's lady's choice," as she points to Ron.

The Bohemians clap Ron on the back as Hermione works up the crowd.

The men in the crowd chant, "Hermione! Hermione! Hermione! Hermione!"

Harry tries to speak with Hermione, "I see you've already met my British friend."

"I'll take care of it Harry," Hermione whispers to Harry and then looks to Ron and commands as she takes his hands, "Let's dance!"

_**A/N – hope everyone enjoyed that! Please review. It would mean a lot! And probably get me to update faster. Hehehe. Remember, if you review mine, I'll review yours!**_


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